I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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