I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The beer is more important than you right now.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
