You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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