In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
