I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
