Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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