apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
