Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.

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(706): View more from Georgia

If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore

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(804): View more from Virginia

ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"

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(773): View more from Illinois

She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.

(1-773): View more from Illinois

Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married

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(513): View more from Ohio

Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.

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(408): View more from California

I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.

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(816): View more from Missouri

The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.

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(310): View more from California

You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals

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