My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
