I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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