i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
