some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
