Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Dicks are not precious.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
