I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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