My liver just broke up with me...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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