It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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