the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
