i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
