My cat gives me a boner
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Randomize
