I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
