I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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