We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
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Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together