So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no