Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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