if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business