i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
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I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
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I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.