I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
