You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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