so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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