Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
