You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
