How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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