I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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