imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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