Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
