He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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