Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
