i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
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IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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