i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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