I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
