If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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