Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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