So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
