wrigley field is MILF paradise
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
