Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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