My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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