I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
