pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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