I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
