Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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