I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
4 words: hood of his car
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
