and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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