I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
