I swear she didn't look like that last week.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.