Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I love how my cats smell like pot.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.