oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.