so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
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Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
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A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER