he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
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Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
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Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.