Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
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They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
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I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other