Betty ford says i'm here all night
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?