Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
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she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
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I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out