hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping