Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
