Cold hands, warm shart.
one two three fourrrrnication!
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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