Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
