So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
