youre lurking in front of me
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
