How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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