Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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