I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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