mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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