At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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