Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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