That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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