i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
