i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
