and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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